Pedicures are awesome. And having one just about every two weeks isn't enough for me. I am a firm believer that if you are going to wear sandals/flip flops of any kind, one must have non-crustified feet. That said...I was in the mall on my lunch break yesterday with two co-workers and noticing I was about due for another pedicure, we had walked past a nail salon on our way to the smoothie place in the food court. There was a sign out in front that said "Special - Spa Pedicures, $20". I thought to myself that's a sweet deal and I can get there, get a pedicure done and be back to work in an hour; so one co-worker agrees to go with me today during our lunch break because we didn't have enough time to do it yesterday.
We get there today, sit down in the massaging chairs, dip our feet into the warm water bubbling beneath our feet...the woman who is about to do my pedicure is gathering the things she needs to start and turns on the massage chair. My friend and I are next to each other, talking about how we love massages and this chair is awesome! It's kneading up and down my back, got my neck pretty good...next thing I know....foooooom! Something fills with air and shoots itself up my ass and my whole body is lifted 4 inches from the chair. What the hell is that?! I immediately try not to totally erupt into hysterics. My friend looks over at me like "what's wrong with you" - and all I could do was point to the seat. It happened again - foooooom! There's no holding the laughter in at this point; I finally manage to get something out like, "something went up my ass!". So now my friend thinks I'm retarded and she asks me if I've never had a massage chair like that before, like this is normal - are you kidding me?! Um, no. Never in my life have I been molested by what I am imagining as a Whack-A-Mole figure underneath the leather that I'm sitting on while getting a pedicure! Where do things like this happen?! After a few more feels have been copped by the Whack-A-Mole underneath me, I finally see the button after my friend shows me on the controller for the massage chair called "Buttocks" and turn that feature OFF.
From now on I'm going to check the controllers attached to those chairs for a "Buttocks" button. And make sure that son of a bitch is OFF; unless I'm feeling frisky! Ha!
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5 comments:
Where might I find one of these buttocks massager chairs?
Maybe you're right... you do have a sweet ass. The chair was just showing some appreciation.
Apparently the Chinese are kinkier than I thought! My guess would be to call around your local nail salons.
I sure hope they wash the chairs down with some antiseptic. I'd hate to think how many other asses were on there before mine...ewwwwww
Do you think I need to ask them if it will shoot me in the ass? Because I have sat in some massage chairs, but none like you described.
::opening phonebook to find a good chinese salon::
In some places you have to pay extra for that kind of molestation.
I'd spit coffee on the screen if I was drinking some, so my screen will have to do with some Jameson!
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