The Reason I Hate Fall

I don't think there are many reasons to hate the Fall season in many people's minds. I mean, the weather is generally good enough to do things outside, you don't sweat your ass off like we do in Florida all summer with the ridiculous humidity, Hurricane Season is about over, kids are in school, there are holidays to look forward to and lots of sales at the stores. But if there is one thing that I HATE HATE HATE with a passion are those fucking cinnamon brooms they put out in the grocery stores and at Target/Wal-Mart. Jesus Christ I hate those things!! I wish I had a gas mask to go grocery shopping because every time I head towards the produce section where they store these abominations by the box full the scent jumps up and smacks me in the face causing me to get an instant headache and I throw up a little. If there is anything on this earth that can cause me to insta-vomit - the cinnamon brooms are IT!

I've mentioned this to my mom before; she thinks I'm crazy. She loves these stupid things. In fact, I think she's the reason I hate them so much. When I was younger, my mom always made a big deal out of the holidays and would force me to listen to Bing Crosby's Christmas CD while drinking hot fucking cocoa out of Santa Claus mugs and reminiscing about each ornament as it was put on the tree. Decorating my house took an entire weekend. I had to change my shower curtain and bathroom set to Christmas Trees and shit. Normally, kids would love this stuff. Maybe I'm just a bah-humbug; but either way I hated it! And she used to happily pluck a cinnamon broom from the box at the store in the Fall at some point and hang it in the kitchen. I hate cinnamon flavored gum, apple sauce, you get my drift...so hanging a cinnamon broom near where I was going to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next 2 months was complete torture!

Fast forward to this past Monday. I am pulling up to my daughter's babysitter's house in the morning. My daughter sees the cat on the porch so we stop and pet her. All is well, until all of a sudden I get a whiff. What the fuck is that God awful smell??? Holy schnikes - my babysitter has a Halloween-bedazzled cinnamon scented broom hanging next to her front door!! I immediately think to myself, is it rude to ask her to remove it? Yeah, probably - but at least I know to hold my breath. This is not normal. I...can't....escape....these....stupid....brooms!! Aaaaaahhh!!!